This past Friday I was profiled on an episode of Say Yes to the Dress. After having so many people ask about it, there were just a few other things that I wanted to say. I’ll keep it brief, because –after all– it is quite a brief piece of all of this wedding planning. It was a brief piece… and an important one.
Anyone that knows me well knows that while I may struggle sometimes with body image… I’m A-Okay in the self-esteem department. It sounds a bit contradictory, but it is true. I value myself based upon so many other things than my looks and my body type. I don’t go to sleep at night worried about whether or not I am a good-hearted, honest, genuine person that cares about others and doing what is right. I know that I am… and I don’t question that. Those are the things that matter in someone: not looks, waist size, or the number on the tag in the back of jeans. Am I harder on myself about everything than others would be? Yes, I am… and I don’t plan to change that. While it may not be completely healthy all of the time to do so, I still believe it helps me strive to be a better person than I was the day before. Does being thin embody my self-worth? HECK NO! Did my own view of my body make for a tough time picking out a dress… HECK YES!
I said before in a previous post, the people from Kleinfelds were absolutely amazing. They were awesome to work with, super friendly, and too kind. Unfortunately, I didn’t feel the same way about the people from the show. I was well aware that there would be some interference from them in order to document the process, but it didn’t stop me from being easily flustered with the process. I didn’t handle it so well when I wasn’t able to get much feedback from my friends, was burning up (temperature is a big thing for me), and was asked to find ‘something that I disliked’ in every dress. Once I found something I hated… I was done for!
Tons of women out there that have tried on dresses can back me on this one, right? (No matter how big or how small you are) You feel like you’re stuffed into a white piece of tightness (and they’re all tight), put on display for everyone to suggest what you like, and are left sweating wondering how one dress can sum up your entire love story and just how much your partner means to you. Okay, I’m a little dramatic, right? Truth be told… those were exactly the things going through my head. I was overwhelmed quickly (not nearly as quickly as the show portrayed it thanks to the magic of editing…), and lost myself in emotions. My quotes were somewhat guided based upon leading questions, and there was some editing magic in those interviews as well. What looked like a breakdown after 3 dresses was really more like a breakdown after about 20 and some very personal questions about body image. Either way… I broke down… and hard. I’m glad I did it, though.
Not only was I a celebrity for a day –even if I had tried to keep it secret for so long–, but I learned so much from the experience. (Then again, if you caught the WBOY piece on the 5 o’clock news you probably noticed that celebrities usually don’t have their names mispronounced/misspelled.) Was I a little embarrassed after the show? Yes, but it freed me from being so scared about a dress. I hit rock-bottom, and had to remind myself of what mattered. Once I remembered what really mattered I was free to enjoy getting a dress. I realized that no dress could ever epitomize for Kevin how I feel for him. The wedding is about us… not a dress. Plus, he calls lace a print… like he would understand if a dress was able to pay homage to our relationship. After SYTTD, I could appreciate buying a dress for what it is: a dress. Plus, –just like when I picked Kevin– I picked a winner. I have one awesome dress, and whether I look like I have a big butt or no butt… that isn’t what matters to me anymore.
What matters is that I am marrying an amazing man that loves me enough to support me when I do crazy things like blog about my life, go on reality tv, and get married at Walt Disney World. What matters is that I am surrounded by countless AMAZING people that rallied around me and gave me all the support someone would ever need! Talk about a boost in self-esteem! So many were so supportive whether it was a phone call, a text message, an email, a facebook message, or even a blog post… that I didn’t have a chance to feel sorry for myself! What had the potential to be a really icky day (AND it was Friday the 13th!)… turned out to be an absolutely awesome reminder of just how lucky I am.
The next time the number on the scales is a little higher than the last time… I’ll attribute that to being full of love and well wishes from all of those around me!